During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
