Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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