Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
