you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
