my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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