Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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