So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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