it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
