then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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