why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
