Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
