Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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