i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
