Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize