I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
