I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am midnight drunk by noon
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
