we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
