My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
