i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
