You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
