I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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