the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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