Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
