i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
