is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
