lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
