In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
