please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
