So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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