Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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