UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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