he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
