:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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