I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
