were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
