I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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