So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
