Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
