problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
