im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
