If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
