just come out here and I will go home with you...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
