My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
