Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
