Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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