you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is my gift to your gina
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
