omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
