some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
