i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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