The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
