A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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