Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
