you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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