The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
