Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
