I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
