Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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