May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
