Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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