I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
