I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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