she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
