bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
