if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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