I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
