i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
