but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
