I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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