I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
