i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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