Pappa wants mamma naked
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
