I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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