paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
false alarm. still invincible.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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