Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
