After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
