apparently the secret to your success is patron
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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