I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
