I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
