I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
