absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
