Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
