We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
