Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
