I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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