90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
