Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
