Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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