just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
