Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
