I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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