seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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